Venti

Did you know that sometimes when you are gestating a baby, your pelvis can get all wonky and cause you to feel varying degrees of excruciating pain when you move your legs? Well, it can.  And people, I am all up in that business. It is officially called SPD and I don’t remember what any of those letters stand for right now, nor do I feel any need to google it for you.  If you really care, feel free to do so yourself.  Apparently one of the side effects is ‘lazy’.

One of the things that is suggested for SPD is using crutches.  That has to be the stupidest suggestion I have ever read for pregnant women. Pretty much every single thing you read about giant lopsided bodies is that they should wear sturdy shoes and keep their feet firmly planted on the ground. Putting crutches under the armpits of third trimester waddling women is only a good idea if someone has a camera and is looking to wind up being made fun of by Daniel Tosh.

I did, however, appreciate the advice to move my legs at the exact same time when turning over in bed. Since it already takes a forklift and a hard hat to turn me over at night, I figured moving my legs at the same time might prove too difficult for me, but no. Accomplished!  And helpful!

Three weeks to go until I am officially full term and then I am going to follow every stupid suggestion I find on the internet on how to start labor. I have no idea if midwives are into membrane stripping, but I’m going to find out. For realz.

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