Archive for March, 2010

Irrational but Not In a Stabby Way

Last week while shaving my legs and due in large part to how unbelievably, um, thrifty, I am, I sliced the garbanzo beans out of my legs.  Both were bleeding but one especially so.  This is how I know it is time to change blades, when the bleeding starts. So, I did what I always do, apply pressure and toss the old blade. But last week, I could not get the bleeding to end.  Instead I bleed all over the bathroom floor while I thought the pieces of paper towel I had shoved against the gashes were doing there job (which is to say, absorbing the liquid).  They were not and my bathroom floor can show you all about it (well, it could have had I not emptied all that Resolve onto it).  In the middle of all this triage, I had the following thought “I wonder if Augmentin (the drug I am ingesting for my sinus infection) is an anti-coagulant.”  It was dumb, obviously, to think that.  But I wondered anyway and contemplated it for quite some time (read: while I was blow drying my hair) because the bleeding had not stopped immediately.  It is the same way that I assume our computer is being over run with viruses when I click on a new web page and it takes more than two shakes for the thing to load. For the briefest of moments I thought, “I might actually die from this cut” .  And there it is. My irrational thinking right out there for you enjoy.  Slice your ankle with a razor and get a cut that requires you to go beyond a simple bandaid and you are suddenly a hemophiliac, at least a drug induced one.

Later, I shared this story with Jud and he was reminded of a very different insane thought that once passed through his mind while in the bathroom.  You’ll need some back story first….

Early one morning, Jud awoke to get ready for work.  Not wanting to wake anyone, he barely twisted the knob on the dimmer switch and went about his usual bathroom routine.  While in the shower, he was shampooing and rinsing when he closed his eyes and stepped back into the water for the final rinse. Emerging from under the shower head, he opened his eyes and found that nothing changed. His eyes open or his eyes closed were exactly the same in their pitch blackness and he thought this: “I think I just went blind.”  He stood there for a bit, mulling over the idea that he had sight and then, in an instant, it had been snatched from him, when he finally realized that the tiny dimmer switch knob had shifted ever so slightly and turned off.

I cannot wait to hear the places where our children’s minds will jump to.  It’s going to be such a great ride.

It Just Comes Out

He’s almost three.  He says things like…

“Really?!” when you say something that sounds too good to be true

“Where does peepee come from?” when he’s contemplating what he’s doing

“I’ve been looking for this puzzle all my life!” when he clearly hasn’t thought about it since the last time he put it in that bin

“Can I please have a smoothie?” when its breakfast or lunch or dinner

She is one and she says things like…

“Dada! Dada! Dada! Dada!” when she is looking at the painting of him on our wall

“Bah bah” when she’s looking for a ball

“Rawr!” when she’s being a lion.

“Ah ah ah ah” when you mention a dog (totally sounds like a monkey, but we’re giving her a pass)

Ever

Oh, people.  Let me tell you about how to have a good the best day.

Take your children and your car to your parents house the night before so that in the morning, when the breadwinner goes off to win bread, you can sleep in (don’t forget to give them instructions about not waking you). Sleep in late.  I’m talking LATE.  You know? Eight o’clock. It will blow your mind!

Get up and drink a glass of water. Do a short workout dvd with weights.  Having no automobile (as you left it at your parents house), run over there in the most literal sense of that word. This should probably take you less than thirty minutes to accomplish, but repeatedly tell yourself to ‘shut up. completing this task is more awesome than completing it faster.’

Having arrived, play with your children for an hour or so.  Enjoy their wrestling and block buildings and general love of life.

Next, soak in a whirlpool tub for a while.  A long while.  Read a book while you do it. Make sure there are bubbles.

Enjoy your kids some more.

Go get a facial.What the heck, get a full body massage too.  You will want them both.  And it will rock your face off (not literally).

Ignore the horrible slushy sky and ground.  Go home to find your one year old fresh from a bath following an explosive after nap movement, happy and smelling sweet again.

Shower and ready yourself for dinner out.  Go to Ms. Get a Lahvosh (the Omaha or the Thai). Try a meaty cannelloni for an appetizer.  See what they’ve got on tap. Enjoy whatever suits you. Share the meal with a bunch of people you love.

Go home and relieve the fabulous baby sitters. Let your children sleep all through the night.

Repeat as necessary.

(Shout out to the people who made this all possible: The Jud, Poppy & Yaya, Ronke, Jan, a massage therapist, Adam & Lisa, Maria, Rachel, Gideon and Piper – you are some of my favorites. For real.)

PS I’m Not Really Here

So, I kind of stopped writing there for a bit.  I suppose in part because of the horrible blahness of the wintry ugly sky and the sad matted grass in our front yard that has snow mold.  Even our grass was tired of all that ridiculous snow.  So tired, it got a fungus.  Sweet.

But now?  Now it is SUNNY.  The sky is blue and the wind is not slicing through the layers of clothing I put on in an attempt to stay warm in my own family room.  You’ll have to keep looking elsewhere for internet hilarity and distraction.  In the meantime, you can check out Piper’s first birthday party in pictures.

Prepped and ready to go. Both Piper and Gideon were still sleeping when the party was supposed to start.  That’s how kids roll.  No party? Forty minutes. Party? Four hours.  Makes sense.

Once she was awake, she ate some cake.  And totally hearted that thing. And then later she puked it up.  That’s what happens when you don’t eat sugar for a year.  Ask Sarah about if you need additional info on that one.

One of her friends that came to the party.  Piper loves her all the way to the ground (which is where they wind up if Piper actually gets a hold of her).

Did I mention that she loved the cake?  She did. Mucho.

After party. They needed sunglasses.  DON’T ASK.